Denethor Tactics Against the Far Right
I did promise facetious posts as well
It seems to me that, faced with a rising threat in the East—okay, Clacton-on-Sea—Keir Starmer has embarked on a bold masterplan, taking inspiration from one of the greatest strategists to be found either in history or fiction.
So passes Keir, Son of Rod, Steward of Albion
Schwarzkopf? A lightweight. Montgomery? Overrated. Patton? A blowhard. Napoleon? A loser. Wellington? Just lucky. Nelson? Didn’t even survive his own battles. Sun Tzu? Probably ghostwritten.
No. I am speaking of course of Denethor, Son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor. Clearly in Number 10, they’ve gotten out the popcorn and have had a rewatch of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings Trilogy.1
From this they have decided to follow Denethor’s cunning plan2 (I will leave the reader to figure out the metaphor here):
Retake Osgiliath, a ruined city of little strategic value
Double down on defending this site of little strategic value while getting outflanked
Get outflanked and lose site of little strategic value with heavy losses
Double down again on retaking the site of little strategic value, resulting in your son being mortally wounded and the loss of a significant portion of your forces
Get attacked in your heartlands by an emboldened and unchecked enemy
Have your capital city sacked by rampaging Orcs
Try to set son on fire rather than accept medical help, even though you have no relevant expertise
Set self on fire
Run through the streets on fire
Plunge from the prow of Minas Tirith
Die
But perhaps not the Director’s Cut Extended Editions—they’ve got a country to run (into the ground), don’t you know.
Denethor clearly thinks that a sensible strategy such as identify enemy avenue of approach/determine their scheme of manoeuvre/determine where to kill the enemy is for nerds. Ironically.