Narcissists to the Left of Me, Narcissists to the Right
Some thoughts on the new Louis Theroux doc
Watching Inside the Manosphere the other night,1 I was struck by the cognitive dissonance of some of the personalities interviewed.2 They still saw themselves as victims, plucky rebels fighting The Culture, even as their avatar sat in the Oval Office. Somehow, despite having won by any reasonable metric, they still saw themselves as the victims, because everybody else still does not agree with them.
This single-minded fixation on being right and being the centre of the universe is a classic Narcisstic trait.
It’s also how the politics of self-interest can rapidly become the politics of oppression, authoritarianism, and silencing dissent.
However, and here is where I might make myself a little unpopular in my own political camp—there’s also a grain of truth to their original complaint about being the victims of The Culture. Ironically enough, the reason is simply this: the Left (however we define it) has its fair share of narcissists too. Of course it does.
Like narcissists on the right, they are too busy thinking of themselves to start looking for win/win solutions.3
This has always been the danger of identity politics. Unlike the politics of community and collective vision and effort, it is atomised, and on some fundamental level, essentially narcissistic. At its worst, it enforces a zero-sum view of the world that sees everything in win/lose terms rather than allowing for the possibility of win/win.
No surprise then, that the far right has decided to fight fire with fire,4 and as events have shown, are much better at playing the game than the Left.
As others have noted, a plurality of opinions are required in order to sustain a win/win equilibrium. However, there’s also a flip side to this in order to avoid the politics of narcissism. Taking responsibility for their actions is something narcissists and psychopaths are both bad at, but in order to have your opinion, it also needs to be hedged against the consequences of using it.
Being ‘cancelled’ is one of those—a social enforcement of a behaviour norm. Good manners cost nothing, as the saying goes, and the people that think they can have their opinion without also respecting others shouldn’t be surprised if what goes around, comes around.5
For a more nuanced and comprehensive critique, I recommend this interview with James Bloodworth, the author of the authoritative book on the subject of the ‘Manosphere,’ Lost Boys.
I was also struck how literally every toxic man in that programme needed to start a band. Just get outside, play some loud music, get away from the f—king keyboard and do something real, with real people. Probably won’t solve you being romantically single but will do wonders for all the other stuff that a parasocial relationship with an influencer certainly won’t help you with.
This pattern of behaviour leading to outcomes that are against their self-interest is something I’ve written about elsewhere.
Or been compelled to, instinctually—they are narcissists, after all, and can’t really help it.
Speaking as somebody, who honestly, has gotten in trouble enough times thanks to a big mouth and short temper.